When it’s good to argue
I wanted to post a rant about the “cars for clunkers” legislation making its way through Congress, but that will have to wait for another day. In the meantime, I just have to tell you about this amazing essay called “Teach a Kid to Argue,” by Jay Heinrichs.
Heinrichs’ basic premise is that by raising his children to be good at arguing, he’s also taught them to be good thinkers and productive problem-solvers. I couldn’t agree more. A good argument isn’t combative, but rather constructive. Disagreement is inevitable between any two people, but even more so between a parent and a child. I think Heinrichs’ distinction between an argument and a fight is very apt:
And let’s face it: Our culture has lost the ability to usefully disagree. Most Americans seem to avoid argument. But this has produced passive aggression and groupthink in the office, red and blue states, and families unable to discuss things as simple as what to watch on television. Rhetoric doesn’t turn kids into back-sassers; it makes them think about other points of view.
I had long equated arguing with fighting, but in rhetoric they are very different things. An argument is good; a fight is not. Whereas the goal of a fight is to dominate your opponent, in an argument you succeed when you bring your audience over to your side. A dispute over territory in the backseat of a car qualifies as an argument, for example, in the unlikely event that one child attempts to persuade his audience rather than slug it.
Go read the rest of the essay; I think it’s outstanding advice, particularly the five tips at the end. (I’m not a parent yet, but I do remember being parented, so I think I have some grounds to judge.)
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[...] we disagree and argue about it, it may feel a little uncomfortable and unpleasant at the time, but there are major benefits in the long run. After all, what’s more important: that your political party control a [...]